Learning about sexting involving your teenager can seem frightening and overwhelming. Read more to discover some of the dangers surrounding sexting, relevant terminology, and repercussions. Finally, read our advice and guidance on how to appropriately and lovingly discuss this topic with your teenager.
In an effort to connect with peers, some youth begin to send sexually explicit text messages to their friends. They may also send photos that include full or partial nudity. This is called “sexting”. Some teens don’t see it as a big deal but the consequences of teen sexting may be very significant.
Sexting often occurs when a boy or girl asks someone else to send them nude or semi-nude photos. Many girls who have sent such pictures say they did so because a boy pressured them. Other times, a girl may volunteer to send sexual images of herself, or even ask a guy to send indecent snaps. The feeling of being wanted or the excitement of exploring sexual curiosities can be very enticing to some teens. In these situations, we advise direct help from parents given the consequences of sexting.
Sexting is damaging for girls and guys. Girls, who should be treated with honor and respect, are instead viewed as objects whose purpose is to provide gratification. They often begin to see themselves in that light. Guys quickly learn lessons about male-female relationships that are unrealistic. This leads to pornography addiction and relationship failures.
Beyond that, transmitting naked pictures of a minor (in most states, a person under 18) legally constitutes child pornography. Many adolescent minors have faced charges for transmitting nude pictures of themselves. Additionally, some teen boys can face child pornography charges. One of the consequences of sexting is the potential of ending up on sex offender registries for sharing pictures of girlfriends.
Sadly, many teens are victims at the hands of their boyfriends or girlfriends. A promise may have been made to keep nude pictures confidential. However, after a breakup there’s no guarantee.
Teens can seek revenge by posting these photos online (often called “revenge porn”). Also, after positing a photo, there’s no controlling who else might see it. Cyberbullying can ensue. The results—violation of privacy, ruined reputation and repercussions from parents—can be devastating. The humiliation can be so overwhelming that some boys and girls ponder suicide.
Help from parents is essential, beginning with them monitoring their kids’ technology use. Your teen does not have a “right” to online privacy from you. The eventual goal is to have your child learn self-control and self-monitoring. However, remember that your teen’s brain is still developing. More often than not, your teen is not ready to handle technology’s numerous dangers. Much like our brains, our teens fall prey to risk, sensation seeking and novelty. These things, when harnessed correctly and according to God’s design, will enable them to leave home someday. On the other hand, one of the consequences of sexting is addiction. Technology is addictive, but especially when it involves sexual imagery.
The best approach to sexting is to prevent it. Here are some things you can do to minimize the risks of sexting:
Have ongoing conversations about the beauty of sex as God created it. Emphasize to your daughter that she’s worthy of respect and that her body should be treated with respect. Remind her that she also needs to respect the young men in her life. Teach your son the importance of treating girls as sisters in Christ who bear the image of God. And, emphasize the need for your son to respect the body God gave Him.
Discuss the topic of sexting. Ask your child if she knows if kids at school are sexting. Has anyone ever sent her an explicit photo, or asked her to send one? Ask her thoughts on the topic, and also how she feels about it. Make sure she understands the consequences of sexting. Talk about the heartache that can come from what might seem like harmless sharing of photos.
Let your child know that it’s safe for her to confide in you if she ever has made a mistake in this area. Fear of an explosive reaction never inspires a child to be open. Help from parents is most effective when it is given with a balance of grace and truth.
Remind your child that freedom is found in being trustworthy. Therefore, all electronic devices will be open to your eyes at any time. Consider adopting a “nothing to hide” policy for electronics in your family, without rights to privacy. You may also consider installing software on your child’s devices to help monitor and limit their activity.
Make sure your child knows there are legal ramifications for sharing sexually explicit photos of a minor.
If you discover that your child has been involved in teen sexting:
What can your child do if he discovers that a friend is involved in sexting? The personality of your child could greatly influence his response. You may have a natural-born leader or a follower. As a result, this next step could be easy for some kids and very difficult for others. Help from parents includes equipping kids to do the following:
Sexting Abbreviations You Should Know
Remember these can change quickly. Keep up to date on what abbreviations are being used through research, counselors or school staff:
NIFOC – Naked In Front of Computer
GNOC – Get Naked on Camera
NP4NP – Naked Pic 4 Naked Pic
POS – Parent Over Shoulder
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Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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