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Understanding the aspirations, fears, and dreams of boys is paramount in our society today.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Key takeaways on guiding boys into becoming godly men, and finding true satisfaction.
Despite appearances of independence or defiance, boys are really looking for good, strong, male leadership to guide them in what it means to be a man. Attention, connection, and guidance are essential for boys navigating our complex culture.
Boys have a yearning for a sense of belonging, a sense of competence, a sense of worth, and a sense of autonomy. They need to feel important, accepted, seen, capable, and valuable. The right mentorship can provide reassurances and satisfy these needs.
In an era of increased reliance on virtual worlds, boys need real-life connections that recognize and affirm their unique strengths. How a boy feels about himself comes from the expressions and reactions of the most important people in his life.
Talking about emotions with boys and men can be challenging. A male-centric environment, where boys can observe other men expressing and dealing with emotions, is beneficial for their growth and understanding of self and others.
Building a godly community that mirrors the guidance provided at home can help boys satisfy their fourfold thirst. This nurturing starts at home but can be supplemented by other resources to guide conversations around boys’ yearning.
Understanding the aspirations, fears, and dreams of boys is paramount in our society today. Focus on the Family’s Vice President of Parenting and Youth, Dr. Danny Huerta, sat down with with Mark Hancock, CEO of Trail Life USA, to discuss the underlying yearnings in boys and aiding in the process of guiding them to find true satisfaction.
Hancock affirms, “Boys are really looking to be led. They are looking for good, strong, male leadership to show them what it is to be a man.” This might be surprising, as boys, especially pre-teens and teenagers, often appear independent or even defiant. Yet, beneath the surface, there’s a yearning for guidance.”
Hancock told of a poignant encounter with a boy who had listened to him speak about fatherlessness. The boy admitted to being fatherless himself. And his desire to follow someone who could provide him with that missing piece was evident. The attention and connection, which often can’t be provided when our faces are buried in phones or screens. Attention and connection are vital for boys seeking a path through our complex culture.
The essence of a boy’s thirst can be boiled down to four things:
Boys want to feel important, accepted, and seen.
They want to know that they are good enough. They need to know they can stand on their own. Perhaps that they are valuable. The right mentorship can provide reassurances on all these fronts. “Yes, you do belong. You are part of something bigger than yourself. Yes, you are capable,” says Hancock.
As we increasingly rely on virtual worlds for connections, boys are yearning for real-life connections, the kind that recognize and affirm their unique strengths. As Hancock puts it, “What a boy feels about himself really comes from the expression of the people who are most important in his life. He harvests from their reactions how he should be feeling about himself.”
However, if boys do not get the necessary direction and affirmation, they often resort to negative outlets or social media misdirections. How does a boy or young man thirst for a deeper connection, such as one with Jesus?
Hancock says that talking about emotions with boys and men can be challenging. The key is not direct confrontation but side-by-side growth, through a male-centric environment where boys can see other men showing and dealing with emotions.
This indirect learning can help satisfy their changing thirsts.
Hancock explains, “If we can put them in a male-centric environment where they can see different godly men who are walking things out in different ways, that’s satisfying that thirst.
Creating a godly community for boys can amplify the guidance provided at home, thereby helping to quench the fourfold thirst for belonging, competence, worth, and autonomy. The fostering of such communities begins at home and can be supplemented by resources that help guide the conversation around a boy’s yearning and the ways to fulfil them.
Conclusively, understanding what boys thirst for is the key to guiding them to their true satisfaction. The road may be difficult, but with meaningful connections, mentorship, and the right community, we can guide our boys to become confident, competent, and compassionate men.
You can watch the full 8 minute interview below.
Rhonda Robinson, mother of nine and grandmother of 37 is an award winning author, Manager and Content Producer for Focus on the Family. Rhonda married her high school sweetheart, now, they are learning to adjust their empty nest in Colorado Springs.
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